Crosstie

At the commuter station I call home now

The sign says “Do Not Cross Tracks”

And a little girl asks her daddy, “Why does she get to cross the tracks?”

Meaning me!

Big man-steps in city-black shoes

Rail gravel, rail tie

Clunk of heel on wooden platform

The slow desultory elegance of a train slowing

Remember the exhilaration of the first night I crossed these northern tracks

Enamored of a woman in boots, legs long, standing on the bridge

She seemed to know when the trains came

White spot of light coming out of the dark

And the sound:

A doppler effect of pounding hearts

The metal taste of fear

That night out on the edge of town

Deserted railroad cars, red mud, waist high weeds, white t-shirts

The familiar touch on the wrist of “I will touch you but I will not hold you.”

My name so intense and quiet

I knew I had heard it without hearing it

The silhouette of a man against passing headlights

Us running, escaping

Escaping

Drenched in the smell of honeysuckle again but still separate

Drenched in the smell of honeysuckle again

In the city, underground trains

Disturb my dreams, vibrate the floor

And like a heroine tied to the rails

I dreamt of going down on him madly

In a locomotive pulling a boxcar

Running, plunging wildly ahead

Trackless over a field of golden rye

Golden rye

Of golden rye

Field of golden rye

A field of golden rye

Over a field of golden rye

Trackless over a field of golden rye

Recalling sweaty men riding to Rome

And trying to walk through crowded compartments

Groping backwards through bodies

Rocking and soaring forward simultaneously

That sensation of running on crossties

Walking and falling

Each stride having to be just the right length

To cross the bridge without only falling

Trains took Quentin south at Christmas

Beats going west

Jack hurtling west

Me going west with unbrushed morning teeth

Wondering if kids stil flatten pennies on the rails

Tie, spike, track train track

Tie, spike, track, train track

Tie, spike, track train track

Tie, spike, track, train track

Tracks running parallel, racing on steel, never to meet

Never to intersect, to cross

This train will come

This train will take me west or east or south

Ch-ch-ch

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-churning

This train will rock me to sleep

Parallel, these tracks will not cross

This train will not go backwards

Will never take me back

Tie, spike, track train track

Tie, spike, track, train track

Tie, spike, track train track

Tie, spike, track, train track